A Toast to R & L!

We celebrated my best friend’s wedding over the weekend. We rather rapidly progressed from dinner to dancing, without pausing much for cake cutting or speeches. Thus, I never had the chance to say the toast that I valiantly and effortlessly struggled to write just hours before the big event. So, here it is…

I have known R since our first week of high school – many many many many years ago.

Of course, given the many many many many years that we’ve been friends, both R and I have changed. Grown up – I can’t quite say that we’ve matured. And our friendship has gone through the usual twists and turns. Which is only natural: relationships do change. They grow or stagnate. They fall apart though lack of attention or flourish with careful tending.

My friendship with R underwent a subtle shift several years ago when she first came out to me. I know she attributed the change to her being a lesbian. But that never was the root of my stepping back. Rather, it was a far more simple reason: I didn’t like her partner. And, correspondingly, I didn’t like the way her partner treated her. R wasn’t the person whom I knew she could be.

Now, I’m supposed to stand up here and say something amusing. And my dissertation thus far probably has you all wondering where I’m headed, but bear with me.

I’ve never been witty on my own. Not really. I need someone to be my foil – or for me to act as the set-up man for someone with a quick punchline. R has usually been that person. my setup man. my foil to amuse those around us, and thereby amuse ourselves. We lost that fundamental part of our relationship when we both went our separate ways several years back.

And the bummer of this marriage, of R’s fantastic relationship with L, is that she’s still not mine for setting up or for being my foil. She’s L’s now.

The good new is that L appreciates our rather offbeat sense of humor. L – that vivacious, fun-loving person at R’s side has made a huge difference in R – and therefore in my relationship with R.

R has become more affectionate. More confident. More open. And, dare I say, more amusing!

A lot of that has been L’s influence. And for that I thank L. I welcome her lovingly and officially into our little circle. But some of that has been R herself. And I’m grateful that R has become the strong woman she is today.

Soooo, a toast to R and L:

May my best friend and my new friend always be friends.

May you never be bored while in each other’s presence.

May you create together thousands of memories to smile upon in old age.

And may you grow and change, becoming more together than either of you could be apart.